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Romans admonishes us to, “Rejoice with those who rejoice, and weep with those who weep.” Validation is an act of caring that communicates respect, and builds love and intimacy.

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Or a husband may invalidate a wife’s fears about the children’s safety.Ultimately the spouse receiving these comments feels frustrated, unheard, angry and resentful, and begins to share less and less until eventually the intimate level of sharing evaporates. Sometimes invalidation may be nothing more than trite cliches like “It’s not so bad” or “Just trust in the Lord.” While these statements may be well meant, they invalidate the pain or concern of the other partner.They make the other partner feel like their fears, upsets, or frustrations are invalid or inappropriate. While the answers to that question are many and often complex, there is a growing body of research suggesting that there are four negative risk factors- four negative behavior patterns that create barriers in a marriage and increase a couple’s chances for marital failure.In one key studiy, researchers followed a sample of 135 couples for twelve years, starting before they were married, and were able to differentiate those couples who do well from those who do not, with up to 91% accuracy.* My experience of working with thousands of couples over the past seventeen years is definitely congruent with these findings.It carries the implication that you must be crazy, bad, over-sensitive or inept to feel a certain way.